"I am six weeks pregnant; we confirmed the pregnancy last week. My
husband then told two of our closest friends without my knowledge. He
told me he wanted to get me pregnancy-related Christmas presents and was
at a loss at where to start, so reached out to them (had their 1st last
year) for advice. I know his heart was in the right place, and he's
already apologized for not thinking it through (my sense is friends
gently reminded him mid-announcement that it was weird mom-to-be was not
there). But I still feel cheated -- of the chance to decide when we'd
tell people and who we'd tell first (our parents, after 1st trimester,
was what we originally talked about), of the chance to be part of that
first telling and to see the first reaction. (I trust these friends
completely to keep the news to themselves until we go public, so that's
not an issue.) I'm having a hard time letting go, but I don't want to
rake him over the coals for an honest mistake he's already sincerely
apologized for. Advice on coming to terms with this?"
you notice how everything in this essay is about "me, Me, ME, meeeeeeEEEeeeeEEEEeeee"?
how, even though the husband had only informed intimate family friends FOR THE PURPOSE OF GETTING THE WIFE PRESENTS, what he did was still "wrong", "stupid" and "inconsiderate" of the wife's *feelings*?
you want to take any bets about what kind of a tantrum she would have thrown if he hadn't attempted to get her presents ... for the strenuous act of laying back and letting him plow his seed? don't you know she's a princess? and damnit, she's letting him put a pea in her mattress, he'd better be grateful.
you want to take any bets about what kind of a tantrum she would have thrown if he had attempted to buy her presents WITHOUT seeking advice from family friends?
this is the emotional brickbat writ large, boys. nothing you can ever do will be sufficient BECAUSE if what you do IS sufficient ... she won't be able to bitch about you.
and she WANTS to bitch about you.
because bitching about you AND AT YOU is how she establishes her dominance and control in the relationship.
the single most shocking thing about this post isn't that a woman made it, that's typical. it's that the relationship advice she received *from another woman* which was to shut up and sit down and be thankful ... only phrased a bit more diplomatically.