Friday, September 9, 2016

Gout Magic

when you get old, cantankerous, obstreperous and decrepit ( like me ), you sometimes start getting some chronic problems.

Gout is one of these issues.  and man oh man, gout is a bitch.

the key issue to remember about gout is that Uric Acid is dropping out of the bloodstream and crystallizing in the joint.  it's the equivalent to having shards of glass in your joint.  yeee-owtch.

so, what can we do about this?  well, you can take a lot of expensive drugs which are very not good for your digestive system over the long term
you can mix up a little of bob's Gout Magic.

what is 'Gout Magic' you ask?

well, you go to the grocery store and get yourself
1 ( one ) fresh pineapple  ( ~$4 at my local store )
1 ( bag ) fresh Navel oranges ( $3.50 )

get yourself on home.

slice off a cross section of the pineapple about 1" to 1 1/2", rind it, core it and cube up the pineapple flesh.  put the pineapple in a ziplock bag and toss it in the fridge.

get yourself one of them there Navel oranges and skin it and section it up.  toss the rest of the Navels in the fridge.

mix the pineapple and orange together ... and eat about half of it.  cover and refrigerate so you can eat the rest the next day.

you can do this every day or you can do it once a week, although the pineapple will start to go off after about a week, so you may as well eat 'Gout Magic' four days a week, just to get your money's worth out of it.

so, what are we doing here, what is the actually efficacious property?  well, first off, the oranges aren't really doing anything.  sure, it's a lot of vitamin C and various other goodies but it's mostly there for the flavor, to relieve the monotony ( you ever notice how many 'o's you need to use to spell that word?  man, i get bored just thinking about it ) of so much pineapple in your diet.  you can mix in anything else you feel like ( peach, blueberries, grapes, etc ), whatever trips your trigger.

protip:  eating whole oranges is great if you have a cold or a lot of phlegm in your throat.  the acidic + high vita-C applied directly to the tissues helps but probably the best effect is simply the long, ropey threads of the orange fruit ... it tends to grab the phlegm and drag it down into your stomach.  you'll notice that simply clearing the phlegm from your throat will produce a great deal of relief.

no, the real thing going on here is in the pineapple and it's a little enzyme called Bromelain.

Bromelain mimics digestive enzymes.  Bromelain mimics digestive enzymes whilst in your bloodstream.  now, back to the active mechanism of Gout, remember that?  it's excess Uric Acid in the bloodstream dropping out of solution and crystallizing.  so what does Bromelain do?  it DISSOLVES existing Uric crystals and helps prevent crystal formation altogether.

now, if you're having a serious Gout attack, sure, go see a doctor and get some heavy duty meds.  the problem with most painkilling remedies ( alcohol, aspirin, tylenol, etc ) is that while they may provide temporary relief they actually tend to increase the load of suspended minerals in the blood stream + acting as a diuretic, thus driving the formation of even MORE Uric Acid crystals.  you can see how this would be a bad thing.

if having a serious attack, give your feet hot epsom salt baths and drink lots of water.  when possible, keep your feet warm, drink lots of water and stay well away from ingesting alcohol and caffeine or sugar.

i suspect that Bromelain may also help with various stones ( kidney / gall bladder / etc ) but i've never been prone to those so i don't know for sure.

PS - two further warnings
1 - do NOT eat a whole bunch of pineapple the first time you try this, it will burn like hell the next day when you take a dump.  it's not something you develop a tolerance for either.  the Bromelain is actually digesting your butt, that's why it hurts.

2 - use FRESH pineapple.  enzymes are proteins and can be damaged by heat.  therefore, canned pineapple ( which is heat treated )  or any other type of heat prepped fruit is going to be drastically less efficacious  than the equivalent amount of fresh fruit.
"Enzyme structures unfold (denature) when heated or exposed to chemical denaturants and this disruption to the structure typically causes a loss of activity."

it is for this same reason that most Castor Oils have very little affect nowadays.  if you want a good Castor oil, it MUST be Cold Pressed with no / little chemical processing.

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